I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
