I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
