She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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