Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
