there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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