DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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