I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
