Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
