So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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