yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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