and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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