Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
