I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
