Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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