got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
