Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
