the condom got lost in my hair
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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