According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
