I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
