I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
