My brain says no but my pants say off.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
