Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
