The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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