When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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