I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize