Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
