I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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