the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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