Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
