just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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