It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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