Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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