I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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