I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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