I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
