he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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