So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
