My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
