Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I smell stomach acid.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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