he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
