SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize