break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
