Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
