Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
