As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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