i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
