I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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