I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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