my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize