is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
