Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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