you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
