I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
