Slut skills are useful in every country.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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