1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
