There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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