ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
