Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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