Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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