She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
