I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
