ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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