At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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