so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
