I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My ass is underappreciated
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
