What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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