he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
