Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
