Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
