I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
