I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
