So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
