i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
