All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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