i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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