If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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