Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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