what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
