With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
