We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
