her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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