Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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