9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize