haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
