I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
