Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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