I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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