Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
